All About Poop

As I'm sure is the case for many of you reading this post, poop is kind of a big part of your life. Everybody poops! Recently though, it seems my life has had far more poop stories than usual, so I figured I'd share some of them.

Poop Story #1: Pooping Properly

About a year or two ago, my good friend B-Dizzle told me that I had been pooping in an incorrect fashion my whole life and that she was going to teach me how to poop properly. I was a bit confused since I didn't actually know it was possible to poop wrong.....However, she told me that your colon (or something like that anyway) is designed in a way that you are actually supposed to squat when you poop, like so:

So, when you sit on the toilet, you should actually elevate your legs a little bit. Ever since learing this piece of information, my pooping experience has been totally revolutionized.

Poop Story #2: Poop Pictures

A little while ago, Iwent on a trip to visit my cousin, as I do several times a year. After going to the bathroom, she told me that she sometimes takes pictures of her poop and sends them to people. I actually thought she was kidding until one of her friends verified the story. While I thought this was quite funny, I figured it was something that only my very loveable, unique cousin did. That is, until Poop Story #3 happend.

Poop Story #3: Poopface Pictures

Just last week, I went shopping with a friend at the super ritzy store, Savers. As we were romping around the store trying on all sorts of heinous outfits, she confided in my that she sometimes took pictures of herself pooping/making poopfaces and then sent them to her friends. She then showed me a few of the pictures and I could not stop laughing. Later that night, I tried the technique myself and sent her a picture of myself making a poopface. I cannot even begin to tell you how entertaining it is to do this. Unfortunately for me, her husband found the picture and now thinks I am a total freak. He's probably right, so I'm ok with that.

Poop story #4: Poop scanner

I recently found a most delightful app on my iPod called "Stool Scanner". Basically, it scans your finger (it has to be the one from your wiping hand) and tells you what your next poop is going to look like. Never before have I been so entertained by a completely stupid app. Plus, all the different types of poop have such great names! Ex. Bum gravy, blobby bits, nutty lumps, fluffy mush, etc. Here's a picture of a few of them:

Poop Story #5: Nightmare Mouth Poop

Back in the days when I was still a nursing major and was in the midst of taking BIO 202, my teacher let us know that it is entirely possible to poop out of your mouth. This particular phenomenon is called fecal vomiting. It only occurs when you have some sort of bowel obstruction and if it does occur, you are in serious trouble and should probably get to the hospital immediately. This story has haunted me for years and I am incredibly fearful that this nightmare of an occurance will happen to me someday.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my poop stories for the day.