Please take a moment to study these images and figure out what they all have in common...

...then please note that my image is not on here.

Random Musings of my Mind

A couple thoughts have been lingering on my mind today.

Number 1:

So you know how you sometimes want to figure out what another person thinks of you, but you're either too chicken of embarrassed to ask them, so you have a mutual friend ask them instead and then said friend tells you everything that person said? This is a technique that I have unfortunately resorted to using many times in my life and today I was just thinking about whether or not someone has ever used this technique on me and repeated all of my answers back to another person. If that even made sense.

Number 2:

I seriously don't understand how some people are so good at coming up with the perfect word to describe something. I struggle with coming up with the right way to explain things (please refer to #1 on this list) and then there are people who can just immediate come up with the perfect word to describe a scenario. So annoying.

Number 3:

Why do some people insist upon driving the speed limit?!?

Number 4:

When will I ever learn to stop eating food in bed? Comforters covered in beans are really not that comforting.

Stephannie's Sure-Fire Steps to Smelling Sensational!

Nobody want to be the one that this guy is pointing at, so here are a few simple steps that will ensure you are never the one causing those around you to gag because the fumes your body is exuding are repulsive.

Step #1: Shower!

This step is not even hard! Simply step into your shower, turn on the water to whichever temperature suits you, and scrub-a-dub-dub! Be sure that while you're in their you lather some shampoo into your hair so it doesn't get all sorts of greasy and gross people out. Also, use soap. There is no point in even taking a shower if you don't use soap. If you find that showering requires to much physical exertion for you, what with the whole having to stand up for several minutes straight thing, then take a bath!

Step #2: Put on deodorant.

This step is always necessary. There is never a time that this step will not be necessary. Even if you think you don't need it because you don't sweat very much, you still need it. You will always need it.

CAUTION: DO NOT USE BABY POWDER SCENTED DEODORANT. IT IS DISGUSTING AND IS ALMOST WORSE THAN SMELLING LIKE B.O.

Step #3: Put on clean clothes.

Showering is pointless if your clothes reek.

Step #4: Spritz on some cologne/perfume.

This step may seem unnecessary, but it is a sure fire way to attract someone of the opposite sex.

4 steps! That's all. Super easy. Absolutely not hard at all. Here's to hoping putrid B.O. will soon be a scent that no longer exists in this world!

All About Poop

As I'm sure is the case for many of you reading this post, poop is kind of a big part of your life. Everybody poops! Recently though, it seems my life has had far more poop stories than usual, so I figured I'd share some of them.

Poop Story #1: Pooping Properly

About a year or two ago, my good friend B-Dizzle told me that I had been pooping in an incorrect fashion my whole life and that she was going to teach me how to poop properly. I was a bit confused since I didn't actually know it was possible to poop wrong.....However, she told me that your colon (or something like that anyway) is designed in a way that you are actually supposed to squat when you poop, like so:

So, when you sit on the toilet, you should actually elevate your legs a little bit. Ever since learing this piece of information, my pooping experience has been totally revolutionized.

Poop Story #2: Poop Pictures

A little while ago, Iwent on a trip to visit my cousin, as I do several times a year. After going to the bathroom, she told me that she sometimes takes pictures of her poop and sends them to people. I actually thought she was kidding until one of her friends verified the story. While I thought this was quite funny, I figured it was something that only my very loveable, unique cousin did. That is, until Poop Story #3 happend.

Poop Story #3: Poopface Pictures

Just last week, I went shopping with a friend at the super ritzy store, Savers. As we were romping around the store trying on all sorts of heinous outfits, she confided in my that she sometimes took pictures of herself pooping/making poopfaces and then sent them to her friends. She then showed me a few of the pictures and I could not stop laughing. Later that night, I tried the technique myself and sent her a picture of myself making a poopface. I cannot even begin to tell you how entertaining it is to do this. Unfortunately for me, her husband found the picture and now thinks I am a total freak. He's probably right, so I'm ok with that.

Poop story #4: Poop scanner

I recently found a most delightful app on my iPod called "Stool Scanner". Basically, it scans your finger (it has to be the one from your wiping hand) and tells you what your next poop is going to look like. Never before have I been so entertained by a completely stupid app. Plus, all the different types of poop have such great names! Ex. Bum gravy, blobby bits, nutty lumps, fluffy mush, etc. Here's a picture of a few of them:

Poop Story #5: Nightmare Mouth Poop

Back in the days when I was still a nursing major and was in the midst of taking BIO 202, my teacher let us know that it is entirely possible to poop out of your mouth. This particular phenomenon is called fecal vomiting. It only occurs when you have some sort of bowel obstruction and if it does occur, you are in serious trouble and should probably get to the hospital immediately. This story has haunted me for years and I am incredibly fearful that this nightmare of an occurance will happen to me someday.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my poop stories for the day.

Single's Awareness Day

As much as I hate to admit it, Valentine's Day is fast approaching. I made the mistake of walking into Walmart yesterday and my eyes were immediately assaulted by a bright pink and red banner announcing the upcoming arrival of this terrible holiday. A few paces later, I was attacked again - this time by rows full of heart shaped boxes filled with chocolates and dozens of pink, red, and white stuffed animals.
Now, you may be wondering, "Stephannie! How can you hate a holiday that is all about love?" Well, let me tell you - it is quite easy.

Stephannie's Scientific List of Why Valentine's Day Sucks

1. Pink is awful.
2. It grosses me out to watch people cuddle and there seems to be infinitely more of it occuring on Valentine's day.
3. Many babies are created on this day. And you all know how I feel about babies.
4. I can't wear my favorite pair of earrings because they're heart-shaped and I don't want anyone to mistakenly think I'm celebrating Valentine's Day.
5. I am forced to watch girls carry around roses, oversized stuffed animals, and chocolates.
6. None of those gifts are ever for me. Unless of course, they're from my dad. Or I send them to myself.
7. I'm single.

However, there is one thing I do love about Valentine's Day. My friends and I usually have an anti-Valentine's day party - a party which is usually filled with all sorts of dessert, as well as my favorite activity: boy stalking.

My future husband

My future husband must:

- be able to sing like Josh Groban

- be able to oooo like Clay Aiken

- own a sexy red truck

- watch terrible shows like Bachelor Pad with me

- appreciate my stalking abilities

It would also be alright with me if he looked a bit like either Sterling Knight, Josh Duhamel, or Ryan Reynolds. Not a requirement or anything, but I definitely wouldn't complain.

http://domo.goanimate.com/go/movie/08rC-c9C0Q28?utm_source=emailshare&uid=0apSpauXqIts

http://domo.goanimate.com/go/movie/08rC-c9C0Q28?utm_source=emailshare&uid=0apSpauXqIts